Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
