I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
