Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
