Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
