I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
