everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
