You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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