It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Let's paint friendship bongs
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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