I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
