The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
