I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
