How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
