Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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