i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
