Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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