Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
