I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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