I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
