hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
