I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
