Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
