also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
jump out the window naked night went bad
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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