Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
