Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
