Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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