fuck your aforementioned shoe
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
