he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
