Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
