Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
