That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
