how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
