Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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