Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
