that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
