my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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