I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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