I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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