Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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