i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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