I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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