He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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