weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Welp...herpes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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