Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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