you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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