census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize