and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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