The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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