How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
