Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
