New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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