How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
