note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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