i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
