im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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