my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
