The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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