apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
zippers are such a cool invention
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize