I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
