Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
