hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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