my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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