I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
