I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
