I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
