If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
high people should be assigned attendants
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
