There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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