apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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