Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
