Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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