i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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