so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
