so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Everyone says I win the strip club
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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