hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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