Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
