HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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