oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
