I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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