so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
