On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize