If i come over, it means nothing
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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