All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
