just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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