Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
