I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Who died my cat blue again?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
