mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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