Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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