I think I am morally bankrupt
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
