I didn't shave. On purpose
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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