Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
