Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize