They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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