How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This house was built for laser tag.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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