Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
