Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My dick has a subreddit
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
