I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
