i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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