I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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