I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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