Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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