do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
